Saying goodbye: Budapest edition

It took me a while to write and fully acknowledge this: my month-long stint in Budapest came to an end. 

It’s the big highlight of my Eurotrip– the reason how all this started. I’m going to be certified as a teacher, and I’m going to teach in Europe if it’s the last thing I do. 

It had been an amazing roller coaster ride. 

Time and time again, I’m astounded by people’s capacity to be kind. When I said I didn’t have a lot of money, my classmates paid for me under dubious reasoning so I don’t feel bad smooching off them. When I had to resubmit my assignment, my friends offered me help, whenever and with whatever I needed at the time. When I didn’t know where to go next, my French classmate offered to host me at her home. I thought I might have even came close to finding the kind of love that I was looking for. 

Perhaps under different circumstances, I wouldn’t have felt so strongly about Budapest. At this particular time, I felt like I belong. I felt like I fit, eventhough I can’t understand half the things people attempt to tell me in Hungarian. 

It freaks me out. 

As I sat by my little kitchen with the colourful tablecloth, I was hit by a strong sense of nostalgia. The fact that I got used to life here in Budapest, made me uncomfortable. The fact that I might never see these people that I’ve became great friends with unsettled me. Goodbye is inevitable, once again. 

A month is a long time, I remember telling myself. All I needed to do was to enjoy each passing moment as if it was the last and savour the unlikely bond that we would have cultivated by the end of the month. Week two into CELTA, we developed a subtle camaderie. The weeks passed by in blur, but the friendship we had feels very real. I didn’t just savour the moment; little old me actually made something out of it. 

My CELTA fam 😆❤💚💛💜💙💓
MISS YOU GUYS ALREADY OMG
And now that everyone’s gone home, I’m left all alone again. It scares me: the uncertainty and the huge amount of freedom that I didn’t know what to do with. The month in Budapest had been so magical; it felt like I couldn’t attain this amount of happiness anymore. And I’m really afraid. What if the only thing I’ll do in this trip is to relentlessly chase for the feelings I’ve had in Budapest? What if I’ll never find it anymore? 

I wish there’s an upbeat and positive ending to this story, but right now, my path is littered with fear and uncertainty. It has been emotional, but maybe it’s time to move on. To everyone who was a part of my Budapest life, thank you. I love you guys and I’ll see you guys somewhere in the world. 

To the cool American girl who taught me the phrase double fisting in a drinks context.
September 3, 2017
November 5, 2017
  1. Dory

    I totally connect with you and your epic time in Budapest. I know the feeling well. It's like everything makes sense and everything feels right. Thanks for sharing your journey. Will follow you to your next adventure. Stay safe.

    Reply

  2. Angelynn Tan

    Thanks Dory. I'm still trying hard to live those perfect moments as they were and leave them as a happy memory, but it's tough when things are shitty and I can't help but to compare. It was great though. Wouldn't have had it any other way

    Reply

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